A lot things has been happening. Many that i cant fathom nor understand. going through this season just doesnt make sense, but i believe for a greater purpose. to keep that hope in my heart burning.. and never fading.
Ok, so where do i start.
I have been going through this whole thing for some time. it feels like ages, but it actually isnt. but throughout this time, i know that God is with me. Throughout thick and thin, through the burning flames and fire. He is. and He is with you as well.
I have learnt that, healing is a process that you cant rush. You cant fast forward healing. Though i would really like to fast forward this whole painful process. Emotional healing is the last thing i would want to experience. I would never want anyone to go through it.
The process of loosing someone that you trusted, that you thought you could have a life with. All your dreams and hopes crushed at that instant. The process of feeling unworthy.
The problem is not you- it is him/her. there is nothing wrong with you. you are totally an awesome person without a doubt. it took some time to make me realised that, he does not deserve me. Imagining loving the wrong person this much, how much more can you love the correct person?
Though from time to time, the pain would come and remind you of that you could have. the "what ifs", the special days, the moments that you shared. it is hard, i can tell you. sometimes I wanna numb the pain but I couldn't. though i would like to think that it is possible. but God can heal the pain. and time can as well. time helps definitely, for me.
As time pass, memories fade. feelings fade. It is not easy at first i can say, but i promise you, through this process, you are birthing another new you. And character, that is rare. that cannot be found in anyone else.
We do not know what the end process is like, but I am sure God knows. and He sees the bigger picture when we dont. Throughout this process, there is also trust. Trusting God that everything will turn out for our good, even though nothing seems right at this very moment.
One of my closest friend once said, in that process, there is refining. Refining is painful and it is hard but given a choice.
There is gold hidden beneath your pain. Often, it is the only way true character is formed - by going through the fires of refinement. But better fires of refinement and gold than a rusty piece of useless metal.
I hope this post helped you to understand or even with the idea that God is here to help not to crush you down.
I will blog as often as I can.
Regardless people read it or not. It helps me too.
Love,
Amanda
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