Realizing

i really want to write this so one can understand what i am trying to reflect here.

Last night, i was talking on the phone with chiahsyin. Talking to her makes me realized what i didnt have before and what i didnt know i always had. well, words just came out naturally out of my mouth. and its those kind of words which i didnt know i knew it all along. its just plain english though. so anyway, we talk about God. and about how spiritually strong each of us are. i really felt good after talking to her, this makes me cherish and appreciate God's love and kingdom even more. what else can i ask for?

without Him, i wont be who i am today. i know for myself that i changed a lot. throughout my 18 years of existence(this is my 19th year, lol) i was spiritually dead. i felt alone. so alone.. even with a handful of friends and a happy family back home. i still felt that i am missing something. so i tried to seek the missing puzzle inside me, by having a boyfriend. boyfriends are frustrating, have to spend time on the phone, go out, commitment commitment commitment and TRUST ISSUES. ah well, kinda over the boyfriend thing now. Boyfriend doesnt help you to fulfill the emptiness inside you. maybe some does, but its never the same without God.

without Him, i wont have grew closer to people who i never thought i would before. there's this angel that planted a seed inside me unconsciously. every time, she would tell me her stories about God and the things she been through. and just last Christmas, another angel brought me to church. God nurtured the seed and let it grow. i thank God for this two angels. if i didnt knew them back then, i would still be the oh so miserable vulnerable amanda. and let one guy took control of my world. nah-ah, not happening anymore. Well, no one is flawless. but God will choose that perfect one for you. you will eventually fit together like a perfect match.

without Him, i will live pass every day with loneliness. but with Him, its different! our God is a personal God who we can talk to, to complain to, and to be our best friend. I know you would not understand how all this can happen, so now i wanna say is. His love could only be experienced not explained. i will be looking forward to the day you accept Christ and feel His love abundantly. Even before you know Him, He is already loving us. For He died on cross for our sins. His love and grace is everything i can ask for.

So God, give me the strength to carry on. To continue in this wonderful journey of yours. Help me love others unconditionally. and lead more people to Christ. i wanna be the child that plants seed into each ones heart.

Your child,
Amanda